when magick happens again and again and again...
(the one where I remind myself of my own advice)
I have been teaching a lot this year. (And yes, it’s only February.)
Last year, I also taught a bit, but there were more travel plans and more places of rest, integration, and play. I had mostly equal parts ‘work’ and ‘play.’ And while there were times I wanted to do more, I found a pace that was right-sized.
So to start off 2024 in such a busy way was a bit of a shock to my system.
Not because I don’t have the skills or the time or the energy, but because I had to remember how to be consistent in my care. There wouldn’t be room for long rest days, but rather a little rest every day.
How’s that going? Let me tell you.
How to Devote Myself to Myself
I don’t think I’m an expert at all in this balance of magick, relationships, mundane work, exercise, healthy meals, cat parenting, etc.
I honestly don’t think ‘balance’ is achievable. I think of it more like tending to your nervous system. You don’t heal your nervous system; you strengthen it so when it DOES get out of whack, you can return to center a bit quicker. (And less dramatically.)
Like kelp flowing in water. Like the tides leaving and returning. Like the moon growing and shrinking.
Here is what has worked for me lately:
Prioritizing rest - Whenever I am done with my To Dos, I rest. This looks like getting away from my computer. Walking. Running. Laying down in bed. Reading. Not doing more. In my busiest first week, I made sure I was in bed as soon as I could be. I didn’t necessarily sleep, but being in a prone position is still rest.
Communicating my needs to others and myself - I made sure to think about what I needed to show up well. For me, this can look like having a few hours of prep time for classes to just do what I think is needed to arrive feeling good. One day, I taught two classes back to back, so I finished my job’s work as soon as I could and then spent the rest of the day preparing for the classes. This doesn’t mean I do anything all that exciting, sometimes just zoning out to music or walking to a related playlist can help me align my energy with the upcoming actions. (And whenever possible, I communicate any needs to others. For example, one day I had a rough patch, so I asked for a check-in so I could vent a little to someone else. It helped. And just asking was helpful since my body/brain/heart knew it wasn’t alone, so the rough patch was quicker and smoother than in the past.)
Regular check-ins with myself - When I was young and having panic attacks, my mom would tell me to stop asking myself how I felt all the time. She said that would make me focus on the bad things and thus I would feel worse. While I understand her intention, this practice also makes it hard for me to think checking in about how I feel is a good thing. But I’m trying to turn that around. I have a journal in which I check in about how I’m doing, what I could be doing to support myself, and what I’m learning each day. I don’t have big realizations that often, but I do check in with myself and this helps me feel seen. And when I feel seen, I care for myself.
Reminding myself of future me - I know this has been said before, and probably by me, but thinking about the future impact of my decisions is vital when I’m very busy. The most common example for me is when I make food choices. I now ask myself if the choice is going to help me feel better or worse tomorrow. And if I say ‘worse,’ then I consider if that’s the right choice for future me. Sometimes, I say it is, and that’s what happens. But more often these days, I decide it’s not what I want to feel later, and I make another choice. And then this has become a habit and I (shocker) feel better.
I’m now on a downswing, sort of, when it comes to teaching so much, but I know it will ramp up again. I have a lot of things in the works and more books to write, etc.
Plus, more travel.
The more I can care for myself in the ways I suggest others do, the more I remember that devotion to myself makes me better at what I do and feel better.
While I am certainly tired today and I am recovering from the brain/heart/deity work, I also feel nourished and held. Not only by the godds, but also by myself.
Which is divine.
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Wanna join a class or read one of my books? Here’s my website.
Wisdom! And I agree, it's not a "perpetual balance" sort of thing, but more like a cyclic dance around a still-point center. And it takes strength, since our culture definitely doesn't encourage rest and even fetishes exhaustion.
I needed to read this, thank you.