to integrate is divine
making changes that live beyond this moment
When you recover or discover something that nourishes your soul and brings joy, care enough about yourself to make room for it in your life.
—Jean Shinoda Bolen—
The frangipani were everywhere. On the ground, hanging off branches, tucked into shrines, carefully placed behind ears.
I could smell the flowers before I connected the scent to the yellow petals.
Throughout my trip, I collected them whenever I found them.
I arrived home with plastic bags of wilted, brown petals, vaguely smelling of the memories I’m still sorting through.
I brought them home, and now they are different.
I came home, and now I am different.
(Thankfully, mostly unwilted.)
[The frangipani] is considered a symbol of immortality because it can flower and produce leaves, even when uprooted.
Every spiritual experience will dishevel me. Sometimes, I don’t notice for a while. Sometimes, I will notice a shift in the way I care for myself, and I look in the mirror and say, “Oh, that’s what happened. Oh, there I am.”
Integration is a tool of growth, an opportunity to bring the lessons, the missteps, the fortunate moments into this more-present body, this more-willing experience.
What is learned lives on in the choices I make next.
How I went to bed earlier than everyone else at the retreat, missing out on the hot tub and the conversations, realizing and trusting my body needed me in another way. Gently offering the old story of being ‘not cool enough’ or ‘left out’ to the fires of self-devotion and the care I need when I am regenerating into a new version of myself.
When I got stressed about a home emergency and standstill traffic before the airport, and chose to listen to music until I regulated instead of faking okay-ness and becoming increasingly bitter without explanation.
These were early integrations, early movements.
I also noted the pauses before speaking. The way I moved my body.
And the way I am carefully telling these stories.
This takes patience, space, and kindness. It takes not naming the ways I will change before I do.
It takes time to replant myself in new soil. But what I am seeding within is something immortal. Something that can live on.
Something with flowers that can bloom again and again.
In love and magick - Irisanya
Classes & Events
NOW until June 21: Applications are OPEN for Devoted to Her, Devoted to Self, my yearlong priestess/priestex training in love that starts in August 2025.
June 11 - 20: LlewellynCon 2025 - I’m co-presenting with Fio Gede Parma, Jane Meredith, and Raven Edgewalker on the Pearl Pentacle. It’s free, and there are so many more presenters to check out.
June 21 & 22: Pearl Pentacle Weekend Immersion - Santa Rosa, CA - with me, Sequoia, and AManita.
Need something else? I’d love to help.
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