the past knew

how old spells find their way

“These fragments I have shored against my ruins”
—T.S. Eliot, The Waste Land and Other Poems—

I don’t know about you, but I sometimes have moments where I feel a bit of deja vu.

I’ve been here before.

I’ve felt this before.

I’ve asked this same question before.

I’ll feel confused and disappointed.

If I’ve been here before, why don’t I remember the way?

Why can’t I remember what I learned? (Did I learn?)

To be honest, sometimes I write down the intuitive hits, the fully formed ideas, and the messages from deities, but I won’t look at them again.

The other day, I decided to peek at my past in my beloved Notes app.

There was a ritual here, the one I still need.

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

Healing is a spiral, not a straight line.

A group of us gathered in a side room in the building. We called in the wisdom of Aphrodite to help us uncover what ritual we each needed.

What could she tell us? What could we learn? What was needed?

But more importantly, what did we desire? Could we be honest about our wants for ourselves? Could I be honest enough to admit the truth of it? The truth of showing up for desires and, for me, being willing to do what I needed to do to receive?

These are my actual notes from that day.

Cleanse - the need for earnest healing and hidden pain

Surrender - needing to know what happens next

Emerge - into joy and being my own love spell

I don’t know what inspired me to find this note again, but I am thinking about how to work with this for the upcoming moon.

Maybe you already have the answers you need, much like Dorothy always having the ability to go home. Maybe it’s just a matter of clicking your heels together and asking for what you want.

Maybe your past self was looking out for future you.

Can you listen to them?

Will you hear them?

What will you do?

(If you’re not sure how to look back, or you aren’t a person who collects notes on your phone, here are some ideas: go to a journal. Close your eyes and take a breath. Think of a question or ask what you need to know. Move through the pages until you feel like it’s time to stop. Open your eyes to see what is there. You can also do this with a book or a song or tarot or oracle cards.)

What can you bring forward?

What can you carry ahead to the next moment and the next you?

Maybe you don’t need anything more than curiosity.

Maybe you already know.

In love and magick — Irisanya

Classes & Events

Applications are OPEN for Devoted to Her, Devoted to Self, my yearlong priestess/priestex training in love that starts in August 2025.

June 21 & 22: Pearl Pentacle Weekend Immersion - Santa Rosa, CA - with me, Sequoia, and AManita.

Stay tuned for more fun things, including asynchronous class options and downloadable presentations on my website.

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