the grit of growth
(that Pisces full moon / eclipse mood)
what offerings do you make
at the altar of your
undoing
what prayers do you leave
when you are unsure of
your worthiness
what incense burns
between the fingers of your
insistent grasping
what smoke will rise
when you finally
burn it all down
—Irisanya Moon—
It never fails to surprise me, this whole growing thing. This whole looking-at-myself thing. This whole listening-to-my-body thing.
This whole human thing.
The more I step into myself, the more embodied I become, the more fucking terrified I am. And if you asked me about a situation like this for yourself, I’d tell you to give yourself compassion.
Going from grit to pearl isn’t easy.
What to Do with the Grit
Despite what many people may think, pearls aren't the result of an errant speck of sand weaseling its way inside the shell of an unsuspecting mollusk. In fact, sand (which is common in the aquatic environments where mollusks live) isn't involved at all. Instead, pearls are formed when an irritant, such as a food particle or a parasite, slips between the shells of an oyster or other mollusk and lodges into its mantle, the muscular wall where its internal organs are located. In an act of self-defense, the invertebrate oozes a liquid containing aragonite (a carbonate mineral) and conchiolin (a protein), and as the secretion intermingles with the intruder, it creates a material called nacre, or mother-of-pearl, according to the American Museum of Natural History in New York City. Over time, these layers of nacre turn into what eventually becomes a pearl. — https://www.livescience.com/32289-how-do-oysters-make-pearls.html
When I ask myself what I should do with the irritants of self and soul, it looks like this: Try harder. Smile bigger. Lose sleep. You just need to be tougher. Suck it up. Everyone else is doing hard things.
When a friend asks me what they should do, I say: Be kind to yourself. You are doing your best. You have come so far. You are a rockstar. It makes sense that you feel that way. You are going to make it through. I BELIEVE IN YOU.
I believe in you.
I believe you can turn that irritant into a pearl.
I believe in your ability to bring back your shine, layer by layer, moment by moment, even if it takes time. Especially when it takes time.
You don’t know what you don’t know. Yet. And capitalism and white supremacy say perfection is the only way to live, the only thing to strive for. Forget the messy parts between possibility and eventuality.
But we are all messy parts just trying to make things smoother, even if we’re not interested in pearls. Even if we’re so used to the irritants.
But maybe, just for today, as the full moon beckons with its Pisces flair and eclipse mood, be more creative than the messaging you’ve been given and/or you’ve internalized. Be bolder than the plans you limited yourself to.
Be open to your intuition.
Be open to messages that seem ‘too good’ or ‘too spooky.’
Widen your heart to hold space for what is true. And maybe, just maybe, don’t shy away from it or hide it.
Look your life in the eyes and admit the ways you might run from it. (We all do.)
Come back to these moments of pearlescent possibility. Where we can admit the irritant, the habits we want to break, the patterns we need to leave, the stories we want to rewrite.
Come back to the pearl you are.
Layer by layer.
xo
Irisanya
Upcoming Heart Magick
October 5 & 6: Rites of Passage - Los Angeles, CA
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Thank you for the new way of thinking about the oyster and the pearl and the reminder to look at those irritants, those things causing pain, as opportunities to create something beautiful. My faith in my ability to create peals needed some propping up and you provided that—today, I will work on that alchemy of pain into beauty.