how devotion saves my life
meeting myself as i am to meet you as you are
Sometimes I really believe it,
that I am going to save my life a little.
—Mary Oliver—
Devotion isn’t just about me or a godd.
It’s about both of us, figuring out how to interact, how to relate, and how to grow in our relationship together.
My earliest memory is being devoted to Mary.
I wrote about this last week on my social media pages. (If you missed it, I’m going to repeat it in a sec.)
But what has unfolded since that writing is this: devotion is where I learned to allow the full range of experience, of possibility.
I didn’t try to change a deity—and they don’t change me.
And yet, I have changed.
The more I deepen into relationship with Aphrodite, with Iris, etc., the more I show up as I am.
The more I allow the full range of me.
And, in response, the more I can allow the full range of you. Whether a godd or a human or a cat or a situation.
The more I learn to meet what is, the more I can meet what comes next.
I can meet you when I can meet me.
Just as I am.
I save my life a little more each time I meet you and myself just as we are. Not as I want you to be.
Mary was the first goddess I was devoted to.
As a Catholic, her purity, sacrifice, and presence connected me to something bigger, something of holiness. She was a prayer I knew how to say. She felt close to me when I was scared. Mary seemed to be as much my mother as the mother of an almighty being.
I learned the prayers for her. I said them again and again.
I helped build an altar for her, crafting a crown of lilacs and ribbons with the ring from a milk jug cap.
I sang her songs.
I confessed and repented.
She was a template for devotion and dedication.
I wanted love.
I wanted love from her.
I wanted to believe someone that amazing could love me for being me.
When I left the church and found nature and deities and a less stifling version of communion with the divine, I freed myself and my heart.
I opened up to the possibility of meeting and loving many godds.
So very many.
And in that meeting, I learned to listen. To respond. To be quiet. To speak up.
In this meeting of deity, I recognize who I am and who I am becoming. I show up as I am, fully awful and wonderful. Both and between.
In this meeting of what is, I stay connected to what works for me.
I leave what doesn’t fit the sharp corners and the round edges of my being.
Self devotion enables me to love who I am, as I am.
Who you are, as you are.
And that is the magick I was looking for after Mary’s blessing.
xo
Irisanya
Upcoming Magick
November 8 - 11: Worldwide Witchcamp - Online
November 16 & 17: Devotion Pentacle - Vallejo, CA
December 2: Circe Virtual Book Launch - Facebook Live
December 14 & 15: Pearl Pentacle - Vallejo, CA
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