can we skip to the good part?
the lessons of liberation
“Freeing yourself was one thing, claiming ownership of that freed self was another.”
—Toni Morrison, Beloved—
The more I prepare to move, the more I’m finding. I’ve found pictures of places I love…but can’t remember the name of. I’ve found outfits I don’t wear anymore, jewelry I don’t remember owning, and so many AAA batteries.
It’s dredged up some feelings of guilt, regret, and confusion.
The more I move out of the way, the more room I make to see what has been hidden. Or what I’ve avoided.
The patterns of ‘oh I’ll get to that someday’ or ‘oh it wasn’t that bad.’
I see the patterns of being who I was at that time, the limitations of my own perspective. The ways I hid from doing hard things, wanting to skip ahead to the other side. The place of peace, resolution, and forgiveness.
So many times I would apologize and hope to be done.
But there is little freedom in avoidance.
Liberation requires precise confessions and thoughtful unbindings. I can not release what I do not acknowledge. I do not unburden without granting feelings safe passage.
I can not skip over the places I don’t want to remember or confess.
The places where I did not listen.
The places where I said I understood, but didn’t.
The places where I said one thing, but did another.
The places where I ignored another’s feelings because I didn’t want to know I was capable of hurting anyone. I didn’t want to admit I wanted to sometimes.
All of the avoiding created scabs just thick enough to prevent bleeding, but never thick enough to completely heal. The smallest bump could open them again and again.
Liberation asks that I sit and hear what someone is really trying to say. That I ask more questions so I can understand instead of just respond. That I enter into their humanness and witness it fully. That I allow things to be incomplete and unsolvable and unfinished. Because healing takes time, takes effort, and takes different forms.
The good part is not only on the other side.
It lives here too, in the ways I try.
In the ways you can show up.
In the ways we don’t turn away.
Liberation lives in the right now, with each step, each promise, each terrifying unknown.
May we recognize it, celebrate it, and enjoy it now too.
In love and magick - Irisanya
Things I Loved This Week
(totally forgot to do this last week!)
Shaking up my schedule with a 5am phone call.
Reading this article. Chat GPT is BS.
Remembering the time I went on a hike here.
August Classes & Events
August 23: Artemis, Entering the Temple series, online
August 30: long story short (i survived), making magick with Taylor Swift - online
August 31: One Day with the Norns - w Irisanya & Georgie, Santa Rosa, CA
Connect & Support
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Yes, so much yes to all this! Also, that paper about ChatGPT is a treasure - thank you for sharing.
Being accountable for my actions, intended and unintended, is a significant part of my ongoing practice. This post reminds me that there is more to uncover, more to do differently, more ways to live in integrity. Thank you.
(Irisanya Moon -- "can we skip to the good part?"