best selling author?!

I’m sitting in my living room. It’s cold. My apartment isn’t as insulated as I would like it to be. And I don’t run the heat all day in this room.

I’ve recorded the video above, and my cats are staring at me.

I’m trying to decide between ordering some sweet treats or sushi.

I’m trying to remember how to celebrate myself in a way that feels right-sized.

I’m trying to allow myself to be seen—even though I am already downplaying this achievement.

This screenshot from the video shows my disbelief with a funny and very ‘me’ face. My eyes are wide, I’m holding back a big smile, and my gaze is to the side.

I did some math and learned that I have sold 3.2 Aphrodite books daily since it was published on September 1, 2020.

(And I’ve probably sold more because the books I sell on my website, at markets, and at local coffee shops don’t count toward this figure. No, I don’t understand why either.)

I’m in disbelief, but also not.

Aphrodite is a beauty and one of my dearest loves. She is known and celebrated. And I have received blessings from her again and again.

This blessing is believable. And a reminder of how much I can still fight the truth when it’s right in front of me.

Bestselling author.

I’ve already gone through the stages of being a writer:

• Excitement. OMG OMG OMG.

• Disbelief. Really?

• Denial. Well, that can’t be true.

• Comparison with ‘real’ bestselling authors. I’m not selling as many as _________.

• Acceptance that this will never happen again. Well, this was a fun moment.

So the gift I will give myself, in this room where it all happens—the writing, the editing, the research, and the mental gymnastics—is the gift of Love.

Love for the parts of me that had dreams of this day.

Love for the parts of me that were sure I would never get here.

Love for the parts of me that said repeatedly that I didn’t want this goal.

Love for the parts of me that whispered that maybe I did want this day to come.

Love for the way I am better at being proud of myself.

Love for the work it has taken for me to stop and smell this rose (instead of rushing to the next thing).

Love for the parts that internalized messaging around not being worthy of more.

Love for myself and my gift.

Love. Just love.

(And maybe a treat.)

***

Thank you. xo

Irisanya

PS - You can grab a copy of Aphrodite (or any of my books) here or at your favorite bookseller.