This is not just surprise and pleasure.
This is not just beauty sometimes
too hot to touch.
This is not a blessing with a beginning
and an end.
This is not just a wild summer.
This is not conditional.
—Mary Oliver, What This is Not—
I’ve been thinking about marketing lately. #ugh #necessary
And seeing some of my podcasts and interviews, I notice all of the ‘ums’ and the ‘ands’ and the loooooong spaces between a thought and another detail.
I can hear myself swallow or breathe because my microphone is pretty good at picking up sound. (Too good?)
I felt shame about not being ‘good’ enough.
Polished enough.
As though I were some rough cut that needed a little tending.
I might (definitely) need tending, and I also like the rough.
The Sharpness of Authenticity
In recent weeks, I’ve found myself…unable to people please. This default setting is how I feel safe, how I can prevent abandonment (real or imagined), and how I feel like a ‘good’ person.
If I can be easy, accommodating, and adaptable, I can be loved.
…but I don’t want to be loved or cherished for that chameleon act. I want to be rougher, with conflicting thoughts, changing moods, and the willingness to be unlikable.
Authenticity can seem suddenly sharp when I’ve been rounding my edges for so long.
Authenticity is unsettling when I’m not trying to stay still and unassailable.
Authenticity asks me to be someone who will not please everyone.
As Mary Oliver says, “This is not just beauty sometimes.”
Sometimes I (we?) are anything but.
And so much more.
Upcoming Heart Magick
Starts Sept 10: Rites of Passage - w Georgie & Alex - ONLINE
More on October and November events on my website.
Need something else? I’d love to help.
Reach out by replying to this email or going to my website. www.irisanyamoon.com.
You can find my books here or at online booksellers. Or ask a local shop!
You can find out about my classes and workshops here.
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Thank you for this.